Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

by | Sep 16, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

How can I possibly heal myself out of my soul?

This is my love letter to you, sweetheart – the you that works so hard on herself/himself. The you that must fix everything – in relationship and in yourself.

I understand how hard you work on things, how hard you work on yourself. Not the standard self-improvement stuff but the going above and beyond stuff. The ’I’ll carry all the weight of this’, stuff.

You take it upon yourself, all the responsibility of your relationships. Not only do you do your work, but you do what is supposed to be other people’s work too. You’re working all that much harder for everyone and only you know that fact.

This is when self-improvement becomes self-annihilation – when we try to get rid of who we are because we feel like there is something wrong with us. For as long as we feel this way we are blinded by it, it gets us to ignore what’s really going on in our relationships because we’re so focused on being better. 

We ignore the red flags, we stay in relationships that have long surpassed their expiry date, and we negate the obvious inconsistencies and incompatibility. 

What we’re really doing is avoiding something deeper – something that existed long before the relationship ever did, something so painful that it would feel better to stay with people who can’t really meet us – people who are so vastly different from who we are because it keeps us in a loop of chasing instead of choosing.

If you played a different game, if you stopped running or chasing an outcome, you would also have to let go of control – allow the chips to fall where they may, allow other people to do their own work and allow yourself space enough to feel.

The work happens; the self-improvement catches up to us when we finally allow ourselves to stand still so that it can. It happens when we allow ourselves to stop and feel those very uncomfortable things that we are terrified of. 

This is how we cultivate courage and build safety in ourselves. This is the process of coming home to who we are – not from a place of judgement, but from a place of allowing. 

I wish you the courage to stay with yourself, to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings that are asking so loudly to be felt by you.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

You Cannot Heal Yourself Out of Your Soul

You Cannot Heal Yourself Out of Your Soul

by | Sep 9, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

How can I possibly heal myself out of my soul?

This is my love letter to you, sweetheart – the you that works so hard on herself/himself. The you that must fix everything – in relationship and in yourself.

I understand how hard you work on things, how hard you work on yourself. Not the standard self-improvement stuff but the going above and beyond stuff. The ’I’ll carry all the weight of this’, stuff.

You take it upon yourself, all the responsibility of your relationships. Not only do you do your work, but you do what is supposed to be other people’s work too. You’re working all that much harder for everyone and only you know that fact.

This is when self-improvement becomes self-annihilation – when we try to get rid of who we are because we feel like there is something wrong with us. For as long as we feel this way we are blinded by it, it gets us to ignore what’s really going on in our relationships because we’re so focused on being better. 

We ignore the red flags, we stay in relationships that have long surpassed their expiry date, and we negate the obvious inconsistencies and incompatibility. 

What we’re really doing is avoiding something deeper – something that existed long before the relationship ever did, something so painful that it would feel better to stay with people who can’t really meet us – people who are so vastly different from who we are because it keeps us in a loop of chasing instead of choosing.

If you played a different game, if you stopped running or chasing an outcome, you would also have to let go of control – allow the chips to fall where they may, allow other people to do their own work and allow yourself space enough to feel.

The work happens; the self-improvement catches up to us when we finally allow ourselves to stand still so that it can. It happens when we allow ourselves to stop and feel those very uncomfortable things that we are terrified of. 

This is how we cultivate courage and build safety in ourselves. This is the process of coming home to who we are – not from a place of judgement, but from a place of allowing. 

I wish you the courage to stay with yourself, to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings that are asking so loudly to be felt by you.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Destination Syndrome Keeps You Playing the Blame and Shame Game – What you can do to unhook yourself

Destination Syndrome Keeps You Playing the Blame and Shame Game – What you can do to unhook yourself

by | Sep 2, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

You are here, right now currently. Sitting on your chair and reading this blog post. You arrived here. You’ve made it!!! 

And you’re thinking…

‘’But it’s not the way I want it to be – I haven’t gotten that promotion as yet.’’

Or

‘’I don’t have the bank balance that I thought I would have at this age.’’

Or 

‘’This is not where I am supposed to be.’’

How many times have you expressed your dissatisfaction with where you are in your life? 

When did you start that nasty habit?? 

How do you know something should be happening? BECAUSE IT IS HAPPENING! (Byron Katie)

Often, we look back with so much disdain for our past and our present that the future becomes something so out of reach, so unbelievably impossible. You’ve done this if you’ve ever criticized your body at any earlier age of your life, and you keep doing it regardless of how much you’ve worked on it – it’s a habit formed.

It sends a very specific message to your brain and to your future: ’You will never have me because you will never be good enough to deserve me.’

So, what do we do? We march on with self-loathing and crippling cynicism not only for our future but for who we are as human beings. That state of chronic self-loathing keeps us in a constant mode of chasing, despite our achieving the thing we’re chasing.

What are we chasing? A better future potential, better life circumstances, to be more than what we are right now? 

Hopefully we all want to improve and grow and have better tomorrows. Hopefully we are all leaning in to expanding ourselves further than where we are today.

When we do that from a place of embracing our present just as it is, acknowledging where we’ve come from and all it took to get here, when we take the time to stop and appreciate our process – this is a state of deep reverence for who we are, a state of wholeness.

When we have destination syndrome, we chase one achievement after the next like they’re Ticktacks! We move quickly without pausing to acknowledge our growth. We are never satisfied with where we find ourselves and before we have truly received one accolade, we’re already thinking about our next conquest. We’re chasing a loving future without loving our present selves. Does this sound familiar?

If it does – amazing! You’re bringing awareness to this pattern. Why do we do this? Somewhere within us we hold a deep and painful belief that we are not good enough and we’re only good enough when we are accumulating and doing – we live in a state of shame for who we actually are. It is a state of not enough-ness and unsafety. If this is you here’s what you can do:

  1. Ask yourself ‘what would happen if this is as good as it gets, would I still love myself?’
  2. What would I tell my child self who didn’t believe he/she was good enough?
  3. Write down all the things you have achieved, both externally and internally, until this present moment.
  4. Take a deep breath in and allow yourself to receive this list and how far you have already come without trying to think about your next steps.

 

The way out of the unending loop of shame, punishment and chasing is choosing to completely accept and feel the discomfort in NOT chasing BUT pausing to acknowledge what you have already done. This will move you further along that you can even imagine!

In love and gratitude

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Commitment

Commitment

by | Aug 26, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

I never understood the concept of commitment, until I saw my ‘’half-in half-out’’ behaviours. Nothing seemed wrong and I didn’t fully understand what I was doing until I looked at the level of distrust that permeated all my relationships. 

I was blaming them for not showing up for me, choosing other people and situations besides me and not fully committing to the relationship. I felt unseen, small, invisible and like I didn’t matter…

And I was right to feel that way – I didn’t matter! I was choosing everything and everyone else in my life besides myself. Everyone else played a far greater role in my life except for me. Just like comedic supporting role in a movie – the charismatic, funny and witty supporting actor that should be the lead role but doesn’t take anything serious enough that falls short of convincing us that they’re going anywhere – they don’t take themselves serious and neither do we!

Yup, I was that guy and then I wondered why all the amazing things happened to other people. It was convenient to blame fate!

Yeah! How many times have you compared your life to your friends who all the amazing things happen to? As if by design! 

Here’s a secret – it is a design! It is the design of an archaic program you were gifted by many different people in your life. You’ve watched the adults run the same code as you were growing up. It was taught to you.

You’ve been put in the Waiting Room of your life!

And now I hear you asking:

‘’What do I do about it?’’

Here are a few things you can do:

  • Define what is important to you and what kind of life you want.
  • Decide that you are worth pursuing a life that feels good to you!
  • Observe all the behaviours that aren’t supportive of the life you want and kick them to the curb!
  • Do what isn’t comfortable – you’re going to have to get a little uncomfortable doing things that are new and scary.
  • At every choice point ask yourself – ‘’Is this supportive of the life I want to create?’’

This is your commitment to yourself first and foremost. If we want the love we seek in another, we first have to make sure that we’re giving ourselves that love first.

Life’s an adventure – and it’s yours if you choose it!

In love and gratitude

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Pin It on Pinterest