Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

by | Sep 16, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

How can I possibly heal myself out of my soul?

This is my love letter to you, sweetheart – the you that works so hard on herself/himself. The you that must fix everything – in relationship and in yourself.

I understand how hard you work on things, how hard you work on yourself. Not the standard self-improvement stuff but the going above and beyond stuff. The ’I’ll carry all the weight of this’, stuff.

You take it upon yourself, all the responsibility of your relationships. Not only do you do your work, but you do what is supposed to be other people’s work too. You’re working all that much harder for everyone and only you know that fact.

This is when self-improvement becomes self-annihilation – when we try to get rid of who we are because we feel like there is something wrong with us. For as long as we feel this way we are blinded by it, it gets us to ignore what’s really going on in our relationships because we’re so focused on being better. 

We ignore the red flags, we stay in relationships that have long surpassed their expiry date, and we negate the obvious inconsistencies and incompatibility. 

What we’re really doing is avoiding something deeper – something that existed long before the relationship ever did, something so painful that it would feel better to stay with people who can’t really meet us – people who are so vastly different from who we are because it keeps us in a loop of chasing instead of choosing.

If you played a different game, if you stopped running or chasing an outcome, you would also have to let go of control – allow the chips to fall where they may, allow other people to do their own work and allow yourself space enough to feel.

The work happens; the self-improvement catches up to us when we finally allow ourselves to stand still so that it can. It happens when we allow ourselves to stop and feel those very uncomfortable things that we are terrified of. 

This is how we cultivate courage and build safety in ourselves. This is the process of coming home to who we are – not from a place of judgement, but from a place of allowing. 

I wish you the courage to stay with yourself, to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings that are asking so loudly to be felt by you.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Meditation Mascot

Meditation Mascot

by | Aug 19, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

I have a meditation group on WhatsApp, where I share daily meditations and insights. Every day, I go outside to meditate with the group and one day I noticed a little lizard sneak out of a branch in a tree where I meditate.

The first time I saw him, I noticed he had his tail bitten off. All that was left of his tail was a tiny stub at the end of his body. I felt bad for this little guy. I saw him lick, what was a fresh wound. After having my tail bitten off, I’d be a little more hesitant at anything that moved, but not this little guy – he was curious – and stayed with me while I meditated. 

The next day, there he was again! He came out as soon as I arrived and sat with me while I meditated with the group. He hasn’t failed to show up a day since. I was so surprised and delighted at the sight of him every day. 

Now, there’s one thing I know about lizards – they can regrow their tails even though it might take some time. He had resilience! Here’s a little dude that had been through an ordeal. He was probably chewed up and spat out by some curious feline and escaped with his life intact! Not only that, it’s happened fairly recently and despite his ordeal he wasn’t afraid of large predatory mammals – unaffected and possibly even curious about my presence. He showed up every day despite his ordeal. From me, he gets 5 stars for being so courageous.

I learnt so much from this lizard. We all go through things that sometimes that are devastating, things that completely throw us off our center and shake us to our core. Sometimes we barely escape with our lives. What makes us resilient isn’t perfection. We don’t always have a glow-up, sometimes come back from it having a lot less to work with, but in our moments of challenge, choice is revealed to us – the choice to find our inner Moxy, the choice to tap into our inner fight. It’s doesn’t look loud necessarily, its not dressed up extravagantly, it’s hardly boastful. 

It’s is a quiet inner rebellion, a flame that refuses to be put out, a desire to move with all the limitations and pain and to see what comes through despite it all. I call this place curiosity. It’s the space beyond the suffering of our afflictions. Our lizard could have rolled over and said ‘That’s it! I’m done now.’ He could have rolled over given up or he could have had a massive hang up about the fact that he no longer has a tail but he didn’t. 

When life seems impossible can you find choice inside of you? Can you choose your attitude, your demeanor and your response despite what has taken place? I’m not saying it’s easy to – in fact I’m saying the very opposite of that – it’s an incredibly difficult thing to do! Why? Why is it so hard? Well, you have to get beyond yourself, you have to get beyond your situation and find the part of you that is infinite. How do you do that? By surrendering all the parts of you that think you’re not! 

Your true power is in letting go of how you think it should be. When you let that story go, you allow everything that is infinite to be born. Nature knows this and we are all in a deep process reconnecting to it’s wisdom and the wisdom of our own deeper knowing. 

I wish you the courage and resilience of a lizard who has just had its tail bitten off!

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

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