You Cannot Heal Yourself Out of Your Soul

You Cannot Heal Yourself Out of Your Soul

by | Sep 9, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

How can I possibly heal myself out of my soul?

This is my love letter to you, sweetheart – the you that works so hard on herself/himself. The you that must fix everything – in relationship and in yourself.

I understand how hard you work on things, how hard you work on yourself. Not the standard self-improvement stuff but the going above and beyond stuff. The ’I’ll carry all the weight of this’, stuff.

You take it upon yourself, all the responsibility of your relationships. Not only do you do your work, but you do what is supposed to be other people’s work too. You’re working all that much harder for everyone and only you know that fact.

This is when self-improvement becomes self-annihilation – when we try to get rid of who we are because we feel like there is something wrong with us. For as long as we feel this way we are blinded by it, it gets us to ignore what’s really going on in our relationships because we’re so focused on being better. 

We ignore the red flags, we stay in relationships that have long surpassed their expiry date, and we negate the obvious inconsistencies and incompatibility. 

What we’re really doing is avoiding something deeper – something that existed long before the relationship ever did, something so painful that it would feel better to stay with people who can’t really meet us – people who are so vastly different from who we are because it keeps us in a loop of chasing instead of choosing.

If you played a different game, if you stopped running or chasing an outcome, you would also have to let go of control – allow the chips to fall where they may, allow other people to do their own work and allow yourself space enough to feel.

The work happens; the self-improvement catches up to us when we finally allow ourselves to stand still so that it can. It happens when we allow ourselves to stop and feel those very uncomfortable things that we are terrified of. 

This is how we cultivate courage and build safety in ourselves. This is the process of coming home to who we are – not from a place of judgement, but from a place of allowing. 

I wish you the courage to stay with yourself, to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings that are asking so loudly to be felt by you.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Destination Syndrome Keeps You Playing the Blame and Shame Game – What you can do to unhook yourself

Destination Syndrome Keeps You Playing the Blame and Shame Game – What you can do to unhook yourself

by | Sep 2, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

You are here, right now currently. Sitting on your chair and reading this blog post. You arrived here. You’ve made it!!! 

And you’re thinking…

‘’But it’s not the way I want it to be – I haven’t gotten that promotion as yet.’’

Or

‘’I don’t have the bank balance that I thought I would have at this age.’’

Or 

‘’This is not where I am supposed to be.’’

How many times have you expressed your dissatisfaction with where you are in your life? 

When did you start that nasty habit?? 

How do you know something should be happening? BECAUSE IT IS HAPPENING! (Byron Katie)

Often, we look back with so much disdain for our past and our present that the future becomes something so out of reach, so unbelievably impossible. You’ve done this if you’ve ever criticized your body at any earlier age of your life, and you keep doing it regardless of how much you’ve worked on it – it’s a habit formed.

It sends a very specific message to your brain and to your future: ’You will never have me because you will never be good enough to deserve me.’

So, what do we do? We march on with self-loathing and crippling cynicism not only for our future but for who we are as human beings. That state of chronic self-loathing keeps us in a constant mode of chasing, despite our achieving the thing we’re chasing.

What are we chasing? A better future potential, better life circumstances, to be more than what we are right now? 

Hopefully we all want to improve and grow and have better tomorrows. Hopefully we are all leaning in to expanding ourselves further than where we are today.

When we do that from a place of embracing our present just as it is, acknowledging where we’ve come from and all it took to get here, when we take the time to stop and appreciate our process – this is a state of deep reverence for who we are, a state of wholeness.

When we have destination syndrome, we chase one achievement after the next like they’re Ticktacks! We move quickly without pausing to acknowledge our growth. We are never satisfied with where we find ourselves and before we have truly received one accolade, we’re already thinking about our next conquest. We’re chasing a loving future without loving our present selves. Does this sound familiar?

If it does – amazing! You’re bringing awareness to this pattern. Why do we do this? Somewhere within us we hold a deep and painful belief that we are not good enough and we’re only good enough when we are accumulating and doing – we live in a state of shame for who we actually are. It is a state of not enough-ness and unsafety. If this is you here’s what you can do:

  1. Ask yourself ‘what would happen if this is as good as it gets, would I still love myself?’
  2. What would I tell my child self who didn’t believe he/she was good enough?
  3. Write down all the things you have achieved, both externally and internally, until this present moment.
  4. Take a deep breath in and allow yourself to receive this list and how far you have already come without trying to think about your next steps.

 

The way out of the unending loop of shame, punishment and chasing is choosing to completely accept and feel the discomfort in NOT chasing BUT pausing to acknowledge what you have already done. This will move you further along that you can even imagine!

In love and gratitude

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Commitment

Commitment

by | Aug 26, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

I never understood the concept of commitment, until I saw my ‘’half-in half-out’’ behaviours. Nothing seemed wrong and I didn’t fully understand what I was doing until I looked at the level of distrust that permeated all my relationships. 

I was blaming them for not showing up for me, choosing other people and situations besides me and not fully committing to the relationship. I felt unseen, small, invisible and like I didn’t matter…

And I was right to feel that way – I didn’t matter! I was choosing everything and everyone else in my life besides myself. Everyone else played a far greater role in my life except for me. Just like comedic supporting role in a movie – the charismatic, funny and witty supporting actor that should be the lead role but doesn’t take anything serious enough that falls short of convincing us that they’re going anywhere – they don’t take themselves serious and neither do we!

Yup, I was that guy and then I wondered why all the amazing things happened to other people. It was convenient to blame fate!

Yeah! How many times have you compared your life to your friends who all the amazing things happen to? As if by design! 

Here’s a secret – it is a design! It is the design of an archaic program you were gifted by many different people in your life. You’ve watched the adults run the same code as you were growing up. It was taught to you.

You’ve been put in the Waiting Room of your life!

And now I hear you asking:

‘’What do I do about it?’’

Here are a few things you can do:

  • Define what is important to you and what kind of life you want.
  • Decide that you are worth pursuing a life that feels good to you!
  • Observe all the behaviours that aren’t supportive of the life you want and kick them to the curb!
  • Do what isn’t comfortable – you’re going to have to get a little uncomfortable doing things that are new and scary.
  • At every choice point ask yourself – ‘’Is this supportive of the life I want to create?’’

This is your commitment to yourself first and foremost. If we want the love we seek in another, we first have to make sure that we’re giving ourselves that love first.

Life’s an adventure – and it’s yours if you choose it!

In love and gratitude

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Meditation Mascot

Meditation Mascot

by | Aug 19, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

I have a meditation group on WhatsApp, where I share daily meditations and insights. Every day, I go outside to meditate with the group and one day I noticed a little lizard sneak out of a branch in a tree where I meditate.

The first time I saw him, I noticed he had his tail bitten off. All that was left of his tail was a tiny stub at the end of his body. I felt bad for this little guy. I saw him lick, what was a fresh wound. After having my tail bitten off, I’d be a little more hesitant at anything that moved, but not this little guy – he was curious – and stayed with me while I meditated. 

The next day, there he was again! He came out as soon as I arrived and sat with me while I meditated with the group. He hasn’t failed to show up a day since. I was so surprised and delighted at the sight of him every day. 

Now, there’s one thing I know about lizards – they can regrow their tails even though it might take some time. He had resilience! Here’s a little dude that had been through an ordeal. He was probably chewed up and spat out by some curious feline and escaped with his life intact! Not only that, it’s happened fairly recently and despite his ordeal he wasn’t afraid of large predatory mammals – unaffected and possibly even curious about my presence. He showed up every day despite his ordeal. From me, he gets 5 stars for being so courageous.

I learnt so much from this lizard. We all go through things that sometimes that are devastating, things that completely throw us off our center and shake us to our core. Sometimes we barely escape with our lives. What makes us resilient isn’t perfection. We don’t always have a glow-up, sometimes come back from it having a lot less to work with, but in our moments of challenge, choice is revealed to us – the choice to find our inner Moxy, the choice to tap into our inner fight. It’s doesn’t look loud necessarily, its not dressed up extravagantly, it’s hardly boastful. 

It’s is a quiet inner rebellion, a flame that refuses to be put out, a desire to move with all the limitations and pain and to see what comes through despite it all. I call this place curiosity. It’s the space beyond the suffering of our afflictions. Our lizard could have rolled over and said ‘That’s it! I’m done now.’ He could have rolled over given up or he could have had a massive hang up about the fact that he no longer has a tail but he didn’t. 

When life seems impossible can you find choice inside of you? Can you choose your attitude, your demeanor and your response despite what has taken place? I’m not saying it’s easy to – in fact I’m saying the very opposite of that – it’s an incredibly difficult thing to do! Why? Why is it so hard? Well, you have to get beyond yourself, you have to get beyond your situation and find the part of you that is infinite. How do you do that? By surrendering all the parts of you that think you’re not! 

Your true power is in letting go of how you think it should be. When you let that story go, you allow everything that is infinite to be born. Nature knows this and we are all in a deep process reconnecting to it’s wisdom and the wisdom of our own deeper knowing. 

I wish you the courage and resilience of a lizard who has just had its tail bitten off!

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

How Synchronicity Led Me to Share My Story on a UK Podcast with Hamish Niven

How Synchronicity Led Me to Share My Story on a UK Podcast with Hamish Niven

by | Aug 26, 2024 | Blog | 0 comments

An exciting opportunity presented itself to me earlier this month. You know those events that speak to ‘right time, right place’? Yep! One of those happened and I thought: ‘’Wouldn’t this be great to yack about?!’’

One Wednesday, I had the burning desire to share some of my story. My head muttered that desire without restraint: ‘’I want to be able to share some of my story with people.’’ 

Thursday evening, synchronicity brought me the invitation to do just that! I found a message on my social media by a podcaster in the UK, Hamish Niven, asking if I would like to interview on his podcast: ‘The Crucible: Conversations for the Curious.’ I read the message twice just to be sure and then I responded without any hesitation. Doesn’t it feel good when your entire being tells you you’re in the right place?

We sat down to interview and prior to that I acknowledged that I couldn’t ‘prepare in the way I would normally prepare. This is me telling my story! I’ve been learning more and more, that what flows from my heart is the closest version to who I really am. I was nervous, naturally, but it was reassuring to have a host who was encouraging and created an environment that was nurturing enough for me to drop into to my heart. 

I received the final version of the podcast, and I waited a full day before I could watch it. I was nervous to hear myself talk about incidents from my past. I watched it being very mindful of my discomfort. I watched the critic in me try to steal the show and found myself shifting my attention to compassion for myself, instead. It was an intimate moment with myself and all the versions I had to go through to evolve into the version of myself writing this to you right now. Gratitude and tears streamed from my being for the Nirushka that was, and for her becoming. 

Life will always bring you opportunities for new ways of expression when you boldly state what you want, with conviction, from a place of knowing who you are. When it does, open both hands to receive those opportunities. They will stretch you in ways you couldn’t possibly fathom from the version you’re in now. 

I am so thankful to Hamish Niven for his warmth and heart-centered approach to people, and for allowing me this wonderful opportunity to use my voice because now I know that it is safe enough for me to do that!

It is my pleasure to share this podcast with you. Click on the link to watch:

 More about Hamish Niven:

For many years, Hamish was a highly successful creative businessman. His first business was as a camera assistant in the TV documentary industry. He travelled across America, into the pyramids and by helicopter around much of the coastline of Ireland, making incredible documentaries for international TV companies.

From there, he moved into photography, marketing holiday apartments and luxury villas in South Africa and then for global hotel chains across Southern Africa.

Eventually, everything ground to a halt as alcohol overtook his life.

In November 2018, his life ground to a halt. He was down to two choices: get help or carry on drinking – which would have ended in disaster. He asked for help, and a month later, he checked into rehab. And so began a complete change of life. In August 2020, he returned to the UK.

He is now creating a business to help professionals overcome addiction and create the lives they desire that are aligned with what is truly important to their hearts, values and sense of purpose.

 

You can connect with Hamish on the following links:

everything – https://beacons.ai/hamishniven

Podcast – https://hamishniven.com/the-crucible-conversations-for-the-curious/

website – https://hamishniven.com/

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/hamishniven/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/hamishniven

TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@hamish.niven

YouTube –https://www.youtube.com/@HamishNiven

After watching the podcast, let me know what you’re take-away was!

In love and gratitude always

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