Going “No Contact”

Going “No Contact”

by | Mar 3, 2026 | Blog | 0 comments

Choosing to go no contact with someone is rarely an impulsive decision.

Most people reach this point after trying everything they can to repair the relationship and create healthier communication.

You may have tried explaining how their behaviour affects you.
You may have asked questions, hoping for understanding or accountability.
You might have gone to therapy to find better ways to cope or respond.
You may have even tried “grey rocking” i.e. limiting emotional engagement just to reduce harm.

And still, nothing truly changes. The relationship remains painful, draining, or emotionally unsafe.

In situations like this, going no contact after emotional abuse or long-term mistreatment may begin to feel like the only remaining option.

Why People Choose No Contact After Abuse

For many, no contact isn’t about anger or punishment. It’s about reaching a point of emotional exhaustion.

Usually, people choose no contact because they’ve already tried:

  • Communicating their needs
  • Setting boundaries
  • Seeking professional support
  • Reducing emotional engagement

When even “grey rocking” starts to feel inauthentic and depleting, it can become clear that simply minimizing interaction is not enough. Deep down, you may still long for meaningful, respectful connection and recognise that it isn’t possible in the current dynamic. That’s a painfully real realisation to come to.

It’s Hard to Heal While Staying in the Same Dynamic

Especially if you’ve experienced repeated abusive cycles, you may be working hard to change how you see yourself: building self-worth, confidence, and healthier relationship standards.

AND it’s incredibly difficult to step into a new self-perception when someone close to you is still relating to an outdated version of you or consistently trying to minimise you.

The version who:

  • Over-tolerated harmful behaviour
  • Took responsibility for things that weren’t theirs
  • Stayed small to keep the peace

Sometimes, temporary no contact creates the space needed to interrupt that pattern. Distance can allow yourself to settle and your sense of self to rebuild without constant emotional impact.

How to Go No Contact in a Grounded, Self-Honoring Way

No contact doesn’t have to come from reactivity. When possible and safe, it can be a conscious, self-respecting decision. Doing it from the perspective of self-protection and not revenge helps you identify that the action being taken is centred on your wellbeing.

Here are some ways to approach it with care:

1. Process your emotions first
Try to move through intense anger or hurt before making the decision, so the choice comes from clarity and resolve instead of emotional overwhelm or reactivity. 

2. Communicate your boundary, if it’s safe
Let the person know you’re taking space and why. You may choose to give a timeframe, especially if the situation involves family or long-standing ties.

3. Honor your commitment to yourself
This period of no contact is about reclaiming your emotional space. Protect it. Use the time to focus on healing, support, and rebuilding your sense of identity.

No Contact Isn’t Failure

Choosing no contact doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough. It doesn’t make you cruel, dramatic, or unforgiving.

Sometimes, it simply means you’ve recognised that your healing requires distance.

And in some seasons of life, protecting your peace is not just valid — it’s necessary.

Take a moment to reflect:

Are you holding onto a connection that no longer allows you to grow into who you’re becoming?

In love and gratitude,

Relationships That Nourish
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Why do I feel like things are getting heavier and darker the more I work on myself?

Why do I feel like things are getting heavier and darker the more I work on myself?

by | Feb 24, 2026 | Blog | 0 comments

If someone told you that things don’t necessarily get lighter as you grow, would you still choose to build a deeper relationship with yourself?

Here’s the truth that most people in the wellness or spiritual communities won’t tell you: it doesn’t get easier.

That’s enough to put most people off.

The Price of Conscious Growth

There is a price to pay for expanding your consciousness and creating more space in your being.

The price? Your capacity to hold nuance and duality grows.

You can carry much more within yourself now, and that’s why it sometimes feels like nothing is lifting or getting easier.

When you increase your capacity, you are naturally obliged to function at a higher level — because you can hold more responsibility.

It’s a paradox.

Most people think they’ve done self-development wrong or that they’ve failed when they reach this point.

And from the outside, it can look exactly like that.

You may experience ridicule, judgement, or guilt-tripping from others.

I want to tell you this: it couldn’t be further from the truth.

pastedGraphic.png

This Is a Crucial Development Milestone

This stage is where you come face to face with deeper aspects of yourself.

It can be marked by:

  • Guilt
  • Self-doubt
  • Shame
  • An inclination to return to who you used to be

These feelings are normal markers of this phase of growth.

This is where most people are tested the most.

Notice how the “old” tries to resurface, trying to pull you back into outdated patterns.

It is just an old voice, terrified that you won’t define yourself by it anymore.

pastedGraphic.png

Your Greatest Tool: Holding the Line

Your strongest stance in this phase is to hold the line.

  • Keep affirming the work you have already done
  • Continue self-defining
  • Trust your expanded capacity and responsibility

Every step of this process is proof of growth.

The heaviness you feel is evidence that you are evolving.

pastedGraphic.png

Take a moment today to reflect:

Where are you holding space for more within yourself, even if it feels heavy right now?

In love and gratitude,

Nirushka

Relationships That Nourish
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Creating More Meaning in Your Everyday Life

Creating More Meaning in Your Everyday Life

by | Feb 17, 2026 | Blog | 0 comments

I’ve been sharing with my meditation group some of what has been coming through lately around meaning.

Right now, many of us are moving into different ways of relating to ourselves and to the world — and it’s not a comfortable process. For some, it may even feel impossible: to shift gears, to set a new pace, or to completely overhaul your life.

One message is becoming increasingly clear:
How are you bringing more meaning into your everyday life?

Why Meaning Matters More Than We Think

I’ve noticed in my own life that some habits are outdated. They don’t truly support my energy or the way I want to be living.

Things like:

  • Going to bed too late
  • Putting too much on my to-do list

These are parts of my life I know need to shift. But before anything can change, I have to ask myself a deeper question:

Why am I doing what I’m doing?

Shifting Your Way of Being (Without Repeating Old Patterns)

Trying to move into a different way of being often requires us to sit with our current way of being first.

Otherwise, we risk repeating the same core pattern in the new shift we’re trying to make. When that happens, the issue becomes foundational. And when our foundations are shaky, we can’t really build deeper meaning on top of them.

This is where self-inquiry becomes essential.

When Goals Replace Meaning

Sometimes we become so goal-focused that meaning quietly slips out of the picture.

We might achieve what we set out to do and then feel strangely empty. The achievement doesn’t land in the way we expected.

It’s like seeing a shiny new pair of shoes, working really hard to buy them, finally wearing them… and still feeling unsatisfied. Before you know it, you’re back in the same cycle, chasing the next shiny thing.

Without meaning, even success can feel hollow and before you know it your own life becomes draining.

How to Create More Meaning in Everyday Life

We step out of this loop by consciously bringing meaning into our daily experience and not just into big milestones.

Here are a few gentle invitations:

  • Reflect on what brings meaning into your everyday life, not only when things are going well or when you’ve achieved something
  • Build a relationship with ordinary moments by allowing yourself to be fully present
  • Create space in your day to feel your experience, rather than rushing past it (I’ve been doing this with my morning cup of tea or when I am home on the couch with my dog)
  • Be mindful of how you are being, not just what you are doing

Meaning isn’t always found in dramatic change. Often, it’s woven into how we meet the quiet moments of our lives.

How else do you feel we can create more meaning in everyday life?

In love and gratitude,

Relationships That Nourish
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose
Finding Meaning in Everyday Life: Moving Beyond Goals to Deeper Purpose

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Relationships That Nourish

Relationships That Nourish

by | Feb 10, 2026 | Blog | 0 comments

If you’ve experienced past trauma, your history with relationships may not feel safe, steady, or supportive.

Instead, you might notice yourself in repeating cycles, the same emotional dynamics showing up in different people. After a while, it can start to feel discouraging. Like maybe you’re just not built for healthy relationships. Like maybe this is simply your pattern.

That belief is common.
But it isn’t the truth of who you are or what’s possible for you.

Why Trauma Can Lead to Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

When we’ve been through repeated emotional pain, our system adapts. It learns what to expect. It learns what feels familiar.

The challenge is that familiar doesn’t always mean healthy.

You might choose partners who seem right at first: kind, interesting, available. But as the relationship deepens, the emotional experience starts to feel strangely recognizable in ways that hurt.

This happens because unresolved trauma can quietly shape:

  • Who we feel drawn to
  • What behaviours we normalize
  • What we tolerate, excuse, or overlook

This doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means your system learned to survive in the best way it could.

You Can Learn How to Have Healthy Relationships After Trauma

The patterns you learned in painful environments are not permanent. They can change.

But building healthier relationships often requires something you may not have had much of before: new reference points.

You don’t create a new relationship blueprint out of thin air.
You build it by experiencing different ways of relating.

Making Healthy Relationships Feel Familiar

Look around your life for people who already show up in ways that feel safe and respectful. These might be friends, colleagues, mentors, or community members.

People who:

  • Respect your boundaries
  • Communicate honestly and kindly
  • Take responsibility for their emotions
  • Show consistency instead of unpredictability

Pay attention to how your body feels around them.

Do you feel calmer?
Less guarded?
More able to be yourself?

That sense of steadiness is important. It teaches your nervous system that connection doesn’t have to feel chaotic or unsafe.

As you spend more time around people with healthy behaviours, the unfamiliar starts to become familiar. Your system begins to recognize emotional safety as something normal — not something suspicious or boring.

Creating a New Blueprint for Love

Over time, these experiences form a new internal template for relationships.

From this place, you begin choosing partners differently. Not just from attraction or chemistry, but from how someone makes you feel in your body and nervous system.

You’ll be more able to:

  • Recognize emotional safety
  • Notice red flags earlier
  • Trust your discomfort instead of overriding it
  • Walk away from dynamics that don’t match your new standards

You weren’t cursed.
You don’t have bad luck in relationships.

You may have simply lacked healthy models to learn from and that is something that can absolutely change.

Nourishing relationships become possible when your system learns what nourishment actually feels like.

—

Take a moment to reflect:
Who in your life already models a healthier way of relating — and what do you notice about how you feel when you’re around them?

In love and gratitude,

Relationships That Nourish
Relationships That Nourish
Relationships That Nourish

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Where Do You Live From?

Where Do You Live From?

by | Sep 23, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

You may be noticing a lot shift of late. The things that bugged you seem to not really bug you as much. Where you’ve placed more effort and emphasis on other people, you’re putting into yourself now.

You’re beginning to understand what it means to be living life on your terms. We’re releasing so many outdated ways of being that we learnt from our families, from society and from our culture. We letting go of the instance to perform in order to get love; to release control and embrace surrender. 

It sounds so graceful but in truth it is painful and messy. It is chaos and nonsensical. You’ve probably felt this. 

But there’s a quiet voice in you that is becoming louder than your outer world demands. It’s so gentle and it whispers to you softly in quiet hours of the evening – Listen to me.

It doesn’t scream or shout or make a fuss to be heard. It is a quiet knowing, and you may never have listened to it before. This is the voice of your internal world. 

You may not even know why you’re doing things the way you are, but it feels like insanity to be doing it any other way. 

Or you could not know why you have no inclination to do the work you’ve been doing anymore or to stay in the same relationship – not only does it make no sense for you not to do it anymore but its as if you are allergic to it!

This is the shift that’s happening in you, and it requires you to let go of everything you thought you were supposed to do or supposed to have. Nothing old sticks! 

Perhaps you haven’t experienced it as painful. Perhaps suddenly you wake up and you feel different, you feel like you are different, and you have no desire to do things the same way you used to before.

If you pay attention to it long enough, it becomes a place you live from. It replaces all the loudness and the demands the world places on you and it stays the course regardless. This has it’s own time, its own way and asks us to be discerning.

How do I live there, you may ask?

You choose to listen to that quiet voice that will say ‘’no, not this – wait a while’’ and it may feel like a hesitation to accept an offer that might otherwise look really good to you. 

Every time you go with that voice, you’re choosing to live from your internal world.

In love and gratitude

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

Who Are You When You Don’t Have Control of Your Circumstance?

by | Sep 16, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

How can I possibly heal myself out of my soul?

This is my love letter to you, sweetheart – the you that works so hard on herself/himself. The you that must fix everything – in relationship and in yourself.

I understand how hard you work on things, how hard you work on yourself. Not the standard self-improvement stuff but the going above and beyond stuff. The ’I’ll carry all the weight of this’, stuff.

You take it upon yourself, all the responsibility of your relationships. Not only do you do your work, but you do what is supposed to be other people’s work too. You’re working all that much harder for everyone and only you know that fact.

This is when self-improvement becomes self-annihilation – when we try to get rid of who we are because we feel like there is something wrong with us. For as long as we feel this way we are blinded by it, it gets us to ignore what’s really going on in our relationships because we’re so focused on being better. 

We ignore the red flags, we stay in relationships that have long surpassed their expiry date, and we negate the obvious inconsistencies and incompatibility. 

What we’re really doing is avoiding something deeper – something that existed long before the relationship ever did, something so painful that it would feel better to stay with people who can’t really meet us – people who are so vastly different from who we are because it keeps us in a loop of chasing instead of choosing.

If you played a different game, if you stopped running or chasing an outcome, you would also have to let go of control – allow the chips to fall where they may, allow other people to do their own work and allow yourself space enough to feel.

The work happens; the self-improvement catches up to us when we finally allow ourselves to stand still so that it can. It happens when we allow ourselves to stop and feel those very uncomfortable things that we are terrified of. 

This is how we cultivate courage and build safety in ourselves. This is the process of coming home to who we are – not from a place of judgement, but from a place of allowing. 

I wish you the courage to stay with yourself, to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings that are asking so loudly to be felt by you.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Pin It on Pinterest