Human Connection

Human Connection

by | Jun 12, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

There is so much to human relating and communication. One thing no one teaches us is how to CONNECT with another, how to FEEL another, and how to RECEIVE another. Being present is a lot more than being with someone in the body. It’s a deep LISTENING to what someone is saying, but also what they are not saying. It’s tuning into their emotions and their story, their subtle movements when a part of their story is uncomfortable to relay, paying attention to their shiftiness as they try to hide their embarrassment or shame, the conviction in their eyes as they try to avoid their pain.

Have you ever sat with someone and truly allowed yourself to be their witness? To witness who they are, what they are saying beyond their words, beyond the account of their story? This is the receptive mode that allows us to open ourselves beyond the perceptions of our own stories and understandings to truly connect with another human. 

When we practice this deep listening with someone, we not only suspend our own narratives, irritations, and need to respond to what they are conveying, but we create safety from a place of presence. This foundation of safety leads to deep trust and they are the elements of building a strong relationship. It is the place that encourages sharing, not only exchanging words and accounts but sharing who we truly other with the other, sharing what matters to us, what makes us cry, what brings us ecstasy, what we fear the most, and where our deepest passions lie. 

If you practice this deep listening with someone, you also encourage them to do the same, you hold them to a higher standard. However, can you also allow yourself to be received by another? Can you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to share your story and allow yourself to be held by another (without judging yourself or judging another for the manner in which they choose to hold you?). Watch how you may try to censor yourself to try and protect yourself from the risk of being judged or feeling uncomfortable. Watch how you may experience fear of being truly seen as you open to another human being. Watch as you experience shame in sharing your experience with another.

Bear in mind, human relating is DYNAMIC, so you may not get the same as you give (we are all at different places with relating to ourselves and that will show up in our relating with others). Being the pioneer to encourage deeper connecting in your relating makes you brave and will only leave you feeling good about yourself and your relationships.

Reflections:

  • How open is your heart to connection?
  • How receptive are you to receiving another?
  • How willing are you to be truly seen by another human being and how willing are you to truly open your eyes to see another?

Two hands reaching out to each other, symbolizing openness and connection in human relationships.
A person in deep thought reflecting on communication and connection.

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Receiving Means Giving

Receiving Means Giving

by | Jun 5, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

A wise woman told me once that is it important to give if you want to receive. I was fresh on my spiritual path and I had internalized this concept in a very surface-level way. So I thought: ‘Hmmm ok, I want certain things for my life and it will be pretty easy to give things away.’ A very normal and transactional perspective of any twenty-something. 

It was only in my thirties that I really started understanding the concept of giving and receiving. Sometimes we’re unbalanced in one or the other. I couldn’t understand why I was giving so much, living with such an ‘open heart’ but I wasn’t quite receiving yet. I longed to break the salary bracket I was stuck in, I wanted to experience more satisfaction in my relationships, and I wanted a better life experience in general. I gave and gave and gave, sometimes until I was completely empty. 

In my thirties, I realized that the practice of giving was only half of the journey. I would need to travel the other leg of the journey too, and that was the right of receiving. I use ‘practice’ because there is a certain amount of intentionality implied and ‘right’ because there is a certain amount of self-acknowledgment implied. I had realized that my heart was only open to the outside but to myself, it had been shut. I did not know how to receive it, it was a foreign concept to me.

It meant I needed to go a lot deeper with myself, to get real with myself about how much I thought was okay for me to receive. I took a closer look at the opportunities that were given to me by friends, so that I could receive from them and realized I wasn’t really giving them an opportunity to really give to me – I was doing a lot of the giving: of my time, of my energy, of the shiny gifts. I started noticing my behaviour with giving and receiving. 

I started slowly entertaining the idea of receiving, being gifted, and being taken care of. It was the most difficult thing to do. It brought up thoughts of being burdensome to my friends and family. It made me feel shameful, it made me immediately feel like I would be indebted to someone else. I could feel the discomfort in my body as I allowed my mind to imagine this possibility. I realized that I had been avoiding receiving it because it made me feel uncomfortable. Therein lay my work and I started removing all the distorted thinking that got me to believe it was not okay to receive too.

When we allow one without the other, we are closed off. The experience isn’t complete if we don’t experience the other side. If we realise that we are all connected and moving through this experience as one massive wave, we must also realise that when we give to others, we give to ourselves. You know how good it makes you feel to give to someone and see how it impacts them. This is what I mean. In giving to that person, you also get something from the experience. In the same way, when we receive from others, we receive from ourselves. When someone gives you a gift, you would have to be receptive to receiving that gift. There must be some sort of permission you give yourself on some level, in order to receive it. What permission or allowance are you allowing yourself to receive? It’s your giving to yourself. 

 

Once we allow ourselves to give and to receive, we come full circle with ourselves.

 

Questions To Reflect On: 

  • Are you open to fully giving from your heart?
  • Are you giving with pure intent? Or are you expecting to get something back? 
  • Are you allowing yourself to receive from other people and yourself? 
  • What feelings are you wanting to avoid by constantly giving to others?
  • What feelings are you wanting to avoid by constantly receiving from others?

In love and gratitude,

A woman's hands holding a flower, symbolizing the act of giving and receiving
quote from the post
A woman in a meditative pose, reflecting on the balance between giving and receiving.

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What to do when life gets in the way?

What to do when life gets in the way?

by | May 29, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

You know this one all too well: 

you plan to the most minute detail, to account for everything in your life until it throws you a curveball! Life’s sense of humour, when we take our lives too seriously, can really test what we’re made of. 

What do we usually do in situations like these? 

We go into a frenzy, we stress about how things will work out, we internalise the situation, and feel shame or guilt for being human. This is our default process, our unconscious and very mammalian stress response kicking into gear.

How do we respond differently to these outside circumstances that are so loud and demanding of our immediate attention?

  • We go in the opposite direction. 
  • We stand our ground firmly and how we do that is by steadying our nervous system.
  • We plant ourselves firmly in our bodies by consciously becoming aware of our breath. We allow our breath to deepen as it takes us deeper into our bodies.
  • We may play some soothing music.
  • We may feel like crying, laughing or screaming (this is the release response – letting go of all that tension that is welling up inside the body). You don’t want to miss out on this opportunity to let all that worry and stress out of your body, even if it takes you to a feeling of complete powerlessness. That is just the call for you to surrender. 

Usually when we have some kind of release, we allow ourselves to become emptier and more receptive to the information and guidance that is waiting for us. It comes in the form of inspiration to go in a new direction or to take a different action step. We may find that what has just gone wrong wants us to apply a completely new solution. All new information of the highest quality is waiting for your receptivity to be open and trusted before it can be recognised by our centers for cognition.

Most of the time, we want to know what this detour has happened, because we don’t have all the information available to us at the time. Have you ever looked back at the circumstances of your past and realised that certain things needed to happen, no matter how painful or inconvenient at the time? Looking back you can see why you were meant to stay in a place you were longing to get out of (maybe you met someone really amazing as a result or found a job that is exactly right for you in that place). We can never see the whole picture, we can only see the square that we have our feet on at the time. The thing about life is that it is constantly unfolding and we won’t ever ‘know’ for sure how things will pan out. Our work lies in trusting the path of our unfolding and also letting go of any preconceptions about our futures that are based on past fears.

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. – John Lennon

Individual practicing deep breathing meditation for stress relief
Quote on What to do when life gets in the way?
Hands releasing light symbolizing the emotional release and letting go of stress

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Settling the Nervous System and PTSD

Settling the Nervous System and PTSD

by | Mar 24, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

Sometimes in life, there will be unforeseen incidents that may make our hearts pound and leave us shaking at the knees. One such incident happened to me over the weekend and re-ignited a long-forgotten PTSD response.

Myself and my little chihuahua had been bitten by a dog that escaped its yard in our apartment complex. We both got away relatively unscathed. After my heart rate returned to normal and I made sure that my Belle was alright I sat down and felt the most unnerving and terrible feeling in my body. It felt like I had sand in my veins – a most uncomfortable buzz that I had solved many years ago after having suffered through it for many years of my life. My body was experiencing PTSD. 

This time was different, I had support from friends and loved ones along with an arsenal of techniques to get me out of freeze mode. I got my yoga mat out and did some T.R.E. (trauma release exercise). It felt good to feel my body shake off the stress. I allowed myself to cry out all that fear that was stuck in my body. I started feeling angry at the owner, who was negligent enough to not secure his front gate that allowed the dog to escape, so I grabbed a couch cushion and screamed the anger into it until I felt I was completely done. I did a few side stretches, to help my nervous system to settle. I felt semi-decent again. I took a call from someone I love dearly, and we spoke through the event, and after all that, I felt like I had passed it. 

I tried to move through my day as usual but what I noticed was that my thoughts were all heavy and dark and there was a tightness in my body. Something was still gripping me tight and I realized I hadn’t fully let go of the incident from earlier that day. I focused very intently on gratitude and trying to notice the positive things about my day but it was almost as if I had no access to them. I was stuck in a loop with PTSD. 

The next day, I repeated the whole process of the day before all over again – and then the release came. I wept hysterically, and as I did something broke open. It was a feeling that came through very subtly and softly that gave me access to peace. It was my nervous system settling. I wanted to share this piece with you especially if you have been struggling with a dysregulated nervous system or if you have been stuck in a shock response for some time. You can familiarize yourself with some of the tools I mention. It may not help you instantly, but it does have an accumulative effect, I can assure you. 

Here is a summary of the tools and techniques I have used, along with some added practices: 

  • T.R.E. – great for shaking off stress.
  • Talking to someone you’re close to as a support.
  • Deep belly breathing or Holotropic Breathwork
  • Journalling
  • Expressing your emotion through crying or screaming 
  • Yoga or deep stretching
  • Gym workouts
  • Playing music that you feel is appropriate.

I hope this serves 

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