Human Connection

Human Connection

by | Jun 12, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

There is so much to human relating and communication. One thing no one teaches us is how to CONNECT with another, how to FEEL another, and how to RECEIVE another. Being present is a lot more than being with someone in the body. It’s a deep LISTENING to what someone is saying, but also what they are not saying. It’s tuning into their emotions and their story, their subtle movements when a part of their story is uncomfortable to relay, paying attention to their shiftiness as they try to hide their embarrassment or shame, the conviction in their eyes as they try to avoid their pain.

Have you ever sat with someone and truly allowed yourself to be their witness? To witness who they are, what they are saying beyond their words, beyond the account of their story? This is the receptive mode that allows us to open ourselves beyond the perceptions of our own stories and understandings to truly connect with another human. 

When we practice this deep listening with someone, we not only suspend our own narratives, irritations, and need to respond to what they are conveying, but we create safety from a place of presence. This foundation of safety leads to deep trust and they are the elements of building a strong relationship. It is the place that encourages sharing, not only exchanging words and accounts but sharing who we truly other with the other, sharing what matters to us, what makes us cry, what brings us ecstasy, what we fear the most, and where our deepest passions lie. 

If you practice this deep listening with someone, you also encourage them to do the same, you hold them to a higher standard. However, can you also allow yourself to be received by another? Can you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to share your story and allow yourself to be held by another (without judging yourself or judging another for the manner in which they choose to hold you?). Watch how you may try to censor yourself to try and protect yourself from the risk of being judged or feeling uncomfortable. Watch how you may experience fear of being truly seen as you open to another human being. Watch as you experience shame in sharing your experience with another.

Bear in mind, human relating is DYNAMIC, so you may not get the same as you give (we are all at different places with relating to ourselves and that will show up in our relating with others). Being the pioneer to encourage deeper connecting in your relating makes you brave and will only leave you feeling good about yourself and your relationships.

Reflections:

  • How open is your heart to connection?
  • How receptive are you to receiving another?
  • How willing are you to be truly seen by another human being and how willing are you to truly open your eyes to see another?

Two hands reaching out to each other, symbolizing openness and connection in human relationships.
A person in deep thought reflecting on communication and connection.

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Needs VS Neediness

Needs VS Neediness

by | Apr 10, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

It’s taken me a long time to share what I have discovered about relationships (2 years in fact) – I wanted to ensure I had integrated PROPERLY all that I had learned.

We look to partner, mostly, because we’re looking to fulfill something within ourselves. There’s a kind of neediness that pervades our romantic relationships (whether you’re anxiously attached or not).

We chase after love and affection from our distant partners, we try to be ‘good’ for them in every way possible and when they don’t return our displays of affection and love we feel terrible. It is cyclical and can chip away at our self-worth.

What’s really going on, typically, has very little to do with our partners – it has more to do with ourselves and that feeling of incompleteness we may feel that drives the entire thing.

When we start to first address that feeling and tend to our own feelings of emptiness, we can start seeing through the hormone-driven illusory nature of it all and our true needs become apparent. The relationship itself then takes its rightful place (this may mean that the relationship is not the right one for you) and some real conversation will need to take place.

How do we even recognize when we are chasing something?

  • It will be a strong compulsion towards winning someone else’s love or affection.
  • You feel drained when you’re with the other person, yet you stay.
  • There is little to no reciprocation of your energy and spirit of giving.
  • Most of your time is consumed by a preoccupation with the other person and the connection itself.
  • Your boundaries are not firm with the other person.
  • You can not be yourself in the relationship (you have to become someone else to win over their love and affection).

We ALWAYS complete ourselves first and only then can we make space for what is truly a fit for us.

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Soulmates

Soulmates

by | Mar 20, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

Let’s talk about this topic for a bit. I hear this word come up a lot around the topic of romantic love. Many of us long for a ‘soulmate’. Someone who can be our best friend, someone who ‘just gets us’, that one person who is perfectly in tune with who we are, perfectly aligned to all our positive and negative traits! Sounds like a fairytale, doesn’t it? Even in meeting the most compatible of partners, we still find that there is some distance to bridge or some kinks to iron out. 

The idea of a soulmate is a concept that speaks to the highest potential of human relating. It was formed in our very human world. It is sometimes a very dangerous idea that may threaten our sense of autonomy. It may also be an unrealistic idea that we use to keep what is very real at bay. We may have even held our very perfectly flawed partners to this unachievable gold standard in relationships. Beyond the concept is a longing for depth and connection that we are seeking to be fulfilled in our romantic partnerships. Like with all things – we have to become that first to ourselves before we can receive it. 

The word ‘partnership’ implies a team (two functioning parts of a whole). If we are not happy within ourselves, how much are we adding to our partnerships? Or do we need to look at what our relationship to ourselves is first, so that we can contribute in a more meaningful way to the partnership? The truth is we all want to be partnered up while not realizing that we are a partner to ourselves first because we are in relationship to ourselves FIRST. So what if we could apply this concept to ourselves so that we can be better soulmates for others.

How would your relationship to yourself change if you could be a soulmate to yourself? Would you be a good soulmate to yourself? How would you feel about yourself if you considered yourself your own soulmate? 

You could go deeper with this and ask yourself:

  • What is my partner’s experience of me as a soulmate?
  • How could I show up for them in a way that feels better for us both?
  • What is my relationship lacking at the moment? How can I first try and give that to myself and then bring that into my relationship?

Dare to be your very own soulmate first and then extend that relationship to the others in your life!

In love and gratitude,

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Have you identified your values?

Have you identified your values?

by | Feb 27, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

I have been finding that we create from our values. What we prioritize in our day or in our lives will usually give us an indication of how much value we place on that behavior or thing. For example, you are not going to place a high value on eating brussels sprouts if the chocolate bar gives you more pleasure. Essentially you’re valuing sensory pleasure more than you are nutrition. 

The entire process happens within a nanosecond, and we usually aren’t aware of the fact that we are making a choice in the first place. It happens at warp speed. It’s all been automated for you by your sensory experience and/or the values we adopted from our parents/caregivers. Sometimes we wonder why, when we have a clear intention, we still aren’t achieving what we set out to achieve. 

What I have found is that a lot of the time, there is an internal conflict between our intentions and our values about that particular thing/person/behavior.  We may have a strong and clear intention to save our money but we ‘just can’t help ourselves’ at eating out a few times per month because we really like the social element of eating out. In this situation, we’re placing a higher value on socializing than we are on saving money. There is a value misalignment between what we find valuable and our intention.

How can we streamline this process?

  • We have to check our values and make sure that all of our parts are on board with our intention.
  • We need to look at how receiving that thing or achieving that outcome is going to be valuable to us, how is it going to serve our lives. How is going to add to our lives?
  • Define your values for yourself – what motivates you to do the things you do? Don’t bullsh*t yourself or tell yourself lies. Be honest about what motivates you.
  • Pinpoint how exactly your intention fits in with your values. For example, I would like to lose 5kg because I want to look and feel healthier. (intention) I would have to then prioritize health and value my evening walks instead of the high value I put on relaxing in front of the television.

Getting our values and intentions aligned may require us to make behavior the necessary behavior changes and if your intention is clear, you will have all the willpower to exercise over this process.

Incremental changes are how we improve and transform any aspect of our lives.

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Self-Trust

Self-Trust

by | Aug 1, 2022 | Blog | 0 comments

What makes you trust someone?

You’re likely to trust someone who has a proven track record to be deserving of your trust.

They have probably shown up for you in the past, consistently so.

You have probably found that their words and actions are in alignment i.e., they do what they say they will.

They have probably been reliable and not given you any ‘half-in, half-out’ vibes. They are all in!

These are all signs of someone who is worthy of trust. You feel safe around them because they are supportive and demonstrate that they love you through their actions and words. You can count on them to be there for you when you are in need. Someone who has your back.

Now turn that on yourself. Yeah, you have a relationship with yourself based in trust/distrust too. 

Are you displaying behaviors that signal it is safe to trust yourself? Or are you showing yourself that you can’t be trusted through how you treat yourself? 

Are you committed to yourself yet? Or are you still on the fence? Are you waiting for someone better to commit to, to bring you everything you’re wanting? To love you better perhaps, or make you feel a certain way? 

If you are, you will always be waiting and you will always be disappointed. You heard the saying ‘’if you want it, you must become it.’’ In the very same way, if you are not building self-trust, you’re probably attracting people and situations in your life that you cannot trust. You must be that for yourself first or all you’ll get back are people who don’t commit to you either. 

How do you build trust with yourself?

  • It starts with a commitment to yourself first. You also have to be tired of doing the same shit you’ve always done. It starts with a decision to move in the direction of taking charge of your life and how you feel. 
  • If you say you’re going to do something, do it! When you don’t follow through with a commitment to yourself, you are proving that you cannot trust yourself (and it’s highly likely you’ll feel shitty for disappointing yourself).
  • Speak to yourself like someone you’re building trust with. If you are learning to build trust with yourself, you have to speak to yourself with loving kindness and compassion. If you are wagging your finger in your own face for mistakes you make, you are likely to repeat those mistakes or sabotage all your efforts. Be kind and gentle.
  • Set realistic goals. You don’t start running a marathon by running a marathon. You start by running bit by bit every day. You do it consistently. If you are setting goals that are unrealistic and unachievable, you won’t be able to follow through with them and you’ll be sending yourself the message, through not being able to follow through, that you are untrustworthy. Be realistic about how you set your goals. Make the follow-through easy.

“If you’re going to trust one person, let it be yourself.” – Robert Tew

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

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