Don’t Fear the Dark

Don’t Fear the Dark

by | Feb 20, 2023 | Blog | 0 comments

It can be agonising to feel our pain. When we’re faced with the choice to feel or avoid, sometimes it’s just easier to binge-watch that season on Netflix or busy our mouths with comfort foods, we’re reaching for the sensation of immediate relief –  the part of us wants to self-soothe in an attempt to avoid discomfort. 

Exchanging discomfort for the temporary ‘feel good’ that comes with denial becomes just that – temporary. What we are actually doing is avoiding the inevitable because what wants to be felt will be felt, one way or another and in one form or another. It’s like a crying child demanding attention and screaming children will be heard and if not immediately then as something more convoluted years down the line. That toll racks up some serious interest with time!

What keeps us from feeling our screaming inner children is usually our fear of pain and our tendency towards avoidance of it, our inherent predispositions as human beings. For a moment, consider what it would be like if we could see the other side.

  • What if these intolerable screams are portals into an uncharted field of possibility?
  • What if this is the exact moment, we begin to uncover the textures and constitution of our depths, and our true nature, by venturing into the dark?
  • What if this dimension holds the keys to who we are under the guise of pain?

The truth is traversing pain is where transformation lies and if you are needing evidence of this, you would only have to look back into the past. History is littered with great men and women who were not born great leaders or accomplished the impossible because they arrived here that way. Life provided them with the exact ingredients so that they could use them to their benefit and often the benefit of others. They were alchemists, turning their darkness into an irrefutable light.

We have been anaesthetised by the idea that what lurks in the dark and is negative, is something to be avoided within us altogether. To be brave is to feel the fear that comes with walking into the dark and knowing that on the other side is a blindly beautiful light.

  • How can we begin this year embracing our dark?
  • Spend time getting real with yourself: Is what you are doing serving where you are wanting to go?
  • Ask yourself: What is so bad about feeling your emotional discomfort?

Observe your resistance and see what happens.

I wish you a 2023 filled with the magic of love and the roaring courage to be unashamedly YOU!

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Self-Trust

Self-Trust

by | Aug 1, 2022 | Blog | 0 comments

What makes you trust someone?

You’re likely to trust someone who has a proven track record to be deserving of your trust.

They have probably shown up for you in the past, consistently so.

You have probably found that their words and actions are in alignment i.e., they do what they say they will.

They have probably been reliable and not given you any ‘half-in, half-out’ vibes. They are all in!

These are all signs of someone who is worthy of trust. You feel safe around them because they are supportive and demonstrate that they love you through their actions and words. You can count on them to be there for you when you are in need. Someone who has your back.

Now turn that on yourself. Yeah, you have a relationship with yourself based in trust/distrust too. 

Are you displaying behaviors that signal it is safe to trust yourself? Or are you showing yourself that you can’t be trusted through how you treat yourself? 

Are you committed to yourself yet? Or are you still on the fence? Are you waiting for someone better to commit to, to bring you everything you’re wanting? To love you better perhaps, or make you feel a certain way? 

If you are, you will always be waiting and you will always be disappointed. You heard the saying ‘’if you want it, you must become it.’’ In the very same way, if you are not building self-trust, you’re probably attracting people and situations in your life that you cannot trust. You must be that for yourself first or all you’ll get back are people who don’t commit to you either. 

How do you build trust with yourself?

  • It starts with a commitment to yourself first. You also have to be tired of doing the same shit you’ve always done. It starts with a decision to move in the direction of taking charge of your life and how you feel. 
  • If you say you’re going to do something, do it! When you don’t follow through with a commitment to yourself, you are proving that you cannot trust yourself (and it’s highly likely you’ll feel shitty for disappointing yourself).
  • Speak to yourself like someone you’re building trust with. If you are learning to build trust with yourself, you have to speak to yourself with loving kindness and compassion. If you are wagging your finger in your own face for mistakes you make, you are likely to repeat those mistakes or sabotage all your efforts. Be kind and gentle.
  • Set realistic goals. You don’t start running a marathon by running a marathon. You start by running bit by bit every day. You do it consistently. If you are setting goals that are unrealistic and unachievable, you won’t be able to follow through with them and you’ll be sending yourself the message, through not being able to follow through, that you are untrustworthy. Be realistic about how you set your goals. Make the follow-through easy.

“If you’re going to trust one person, let it be yourself.” – Robert Tew

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

Your Body Doesn’t Want What Your Mind Wants

Your Body Doesn’t Want What Your Mind Wants

by | Jul 7, 2022 | Blog | 0 comments

What your body wants isn’t necessarily what your mind craves. Sounds a little trippy. I was talking to my good friend in Texas last night and we have both been on a similar journey of re-evaluating what we put into our bodies and how we choose to nourish our bodies. We both have given up caffeine and sugar and both of us are doing the cold shower thing. Although I have to give him massive credit for having taken it to the extreme of ice baths.

We talked for a while about how amazing the results have been. It seems that both of us are feeling the same – nothing short of amazing! I will speak for myself when I say, I was completely addicted to sugar. I grew up amongst other sugar addicts and we even had dedicated cupboard space just for our treats. I remember my father doing the shopping at month-end and sure-as-shit, the chocolates, and sweets were on the grocery list too (before any of the essentials). As a result, I had frequent dentist visits. I had cavities galore!

It was only until later in my life that I started learning about how my body was responding to food, after having serious health issues. My husband at the time was into everything healthy and I’d get the beady eye every time I chose a chocolate instead of a banana. He was the one that went to the gym, carried his water bottle everywhere he went, and always had a healthy snack in hand. I did not want to hear his gentle prodding to quit sugar, I could not even fathom that such a thing was possible. After we separated, I started rethinking my behaviors, especially around my body. I was not only feeling shitty emotionally, but my body was really battling to process all the sugar. Like most things it was cyclical in nature:  feel tired and depressed, reach for a chocolate or two, feel tired…you get where I’m going with this. I was in a feedback loop.

I started gradually becoming introduced to the link between sugary substances and the body and decided to get my body moving through running. I reduced my sugar intake to a modicum of mildly appropriate. I felt a lot happier with my body and how I was feeling in overall. Now I know we grow in awareness through time, and I also know we fall back into our old patterns and habits especially when we aren’t addressing the underlying emotions that we are carrying. Needless to say, just as gradually as I progressed to being healthier and more active, I regressed with the same intensity because I was not looking at the emotional aspect of my life. It wasn’t before long that my stomach and skin issues persisted. 

Fast-forward a few years, I started really looking into my emotional baggage, that I was putting off for a while. Ok, let me clarify, in the past I was doing spiritual course after spiritual course, devouring self-help books, and seeing a psychologist on the regular, but I was still avoiding facing the deeper emotions that were there. It was only after I really started getting my hands dirty that I saw progress, and it finally freed up space for me to feel my body. I started becoming aware of my sensitivity to certain foods, music, situations, and people. I started making very slow and delicate alterations to where I would place my body but this time, I had the backing of my emotional resilience. The more I started taking note of what I was eating daily and how I was or was not moving my body. Things started to shift as I grew in my awareness that I no longer needed the sugar or the coffee to support me emotionally. I was already doing that by being more introspective and not trying to use sugar as a means to cope and self-soothe. 

I started noticing just how beautifully intelligent my body was and that it, and I, deserved to feel good every day. So, I decided to quit sugar and caffeine completely. Not only that, I started working out every day. Then I started tuning in deeper and really listening to what my body wanted. It wanted cold showers in the mornings! Yikes! Was that the biggest shift for me! I used to like my showers nothing short of scolding hot, for my entire existence up until this point. But I went with my own insanity and paid attention to the way I felt when I was done. I felt more alive like I had a newly cleaned and reset PC. I was more functional and alert and I felt so much ease. All my little aches disappeared. This is now becoming my usual way of doing things, not because I don’t want something a tad bit sweet or a nice comforting shower, and of course I have a healthy medium when it’s called for, but I am leaning into what is good for my body and my mind. The stuff that yields more longer-term results. Because I have dealt with my emotional baggage, I no longer need the quick-fix solutions that can not be sustained long-term, without hurting me. 

Our bodies want to feel good so that our minds can feel good. When they are working as a team, we are in an optimal state of being. When they are working in opposition to each other, we experience what is undesirable and that can not be long-lived because of the toll it takes on us.

Action Steps: 

  • I invite you to start being curious about your choices around WHY you are choosing the foods or activities you are? 
  • Are they adding to you or are they taking away from you? 
  • Perhaps keep a journal and track what you eat and how you move your body and then at the end of the day write down how you feel. 
  • After a week or two, you’ll have enough evidence to make a more informed choice about your body and your mind!

‘’Your mind, emotions, and body are instruments, and the way you align and tune them determines how well you play life.’’ ~Harbhajan Singh Yogi

Need more guidance?

If you want to work with me 1:1 CLICK HERE to  enroll for my coaching program where I tailor a process specifically for YOUR transformation.

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